Chances Are
by bearcat
Summary: After hearing a song, Mac realizes that she made the wrong choice in Sydney


  
  
Chances Are...  
  
  
  
2000 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
  
'Never look back, Commander.' That's what the Admiral said in the Sydney International Airport, yet he had not followed the order. He turned his head and his heart broke at the scene before his eyes. Mac locked in a passionate kiss with Brumby. He thought he had time after the fateful night on the ferry, but after the airport scene, he knew that Mac had made her choice. He still kicked himself for what he said to her that night on the ferry. He wanted to say that he loved her, that he wanted an eternity with her...those words never exited his mouth. No, he kept dodging the questions and he said that he couldn't 'let go'.   
  
God, Rabb, what were you thinking when you said that!? She was waiting for you to say you loved her. She wanted you to say that location didn't matter. She wanted you to tell her that you had the same feelings as she did. No, you had to be a jackass and tell her that you couldn't let go. Let go of what? You don't even know what you're letting go of. The only thing that you let go of, was Sarah MacKenzie, the woman you love. You let her waltz into another man's arms and now she's wearing his ring.   
  
He stood at the window, looking out at the city of Washington D.C. He wondered what she was doing at that moment. Was she thinking about him or was she thinking about Brumby? Did she really want to be with Mic Brumby? Or did she accept his ring just because he turned her down? He shook the questions from his mind. He would never get the answers to them because Mac made her choice. And it wasn't him. She picked the one she wanted to be with or did she just pick the person suitable for her dream, which was a good career, a good relationship, and lots of comfortable shoes. He would never know.  
  
"Oh, Mac, I sure hope you're happy with decision, because my heart is breaking just thinking about it. I'm sorry for hurting you in Sydney. I never meant that." He turned away from the window and strolled into the kitchen area in search for something to eat.  
  
2030 EST  
Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown  
  
Did I make the right decision? Was it right accepting Mic's ring, when I really wanted one from Harm? I adore Mic, but not the way that I do Harm. She thought as she admired the ring on her finger in the firelight. In her mind, she believed she made the right decision. Mic loved her and he told her that the night he proposed. He promised the life she wanted, while Harm couldn't even admit his feelings for her.   
  
Yet, her heart told a whole different story. It wasn't fair to Mic that she didn't love him like she should. Her heart truly belonged to Harmon Rabb, but he didn't want her. Mic Brumby did. So, why couldn't she learn to love Mic? It seemed like a logical question, but she knew that it wasn't true. But she would not follow her heart anymore. Look where it got her, the man she really wanted didn't have the same feelings as she did.   
  
Mac pushed the thoughts from her mind as she strolled into the kitchen for a glass of water, but she stopped short when a song came on the radio. The words hit her like a ton of bricks. She sat down on the couch and listened to the song.  
  
Chances are you'll find me  
Somewhere on your road tonight  
Seems I always need up driving by  
Ever since I've known you  
It just seems you're on my way  
  
All the rules of logic don't apply  
I long to see you in the night  
Be with you 'til morning light  
  
I remember clearly how you looked  
The night we met  
I recall your laughter and your smile  
I remember how you made me  
Feel so at ease  
I remember all you grace and style  
  
And now you're all I long to see  
You've come to mean so much to me  
  
Chances are I'll see you  
In my dreams tonight  
You'll be smiling like the night we met  
Chances are I'll hold you and offer  
All I have  
  
You're the only one I can't forget  
Baby, you're the best I've ever met  
  
And I'll be dreaming of the future  
And hoping you'll be by my side  
And in the morning, I'll be longing for the night  
  
Chances are I'll see you  
Somewhere in my dreams tonight  
You'll be smiling like the night we met  
Chances are I'll hold you and offer  
All I have  
  
You're the only one I can't forget  
Baby, you're the best I've ever met  
  
She was already on her feet, with her keys and coat in hand. She quickly exited her apartment and was on the road in record time, on the way to Harm's apartment. She had to know one last time if he meant what he said on the ferry. She didn't want to make the mistake of marrying Mic Brumby if Harm loved her like she did him.  
  
  
2045 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
  
Harm heard a knock at the door. He strolled over to it and opened it to find Mac standing on the other side. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. Just when he was thinking about her, she showed up on his doorstep. "Mac, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I...I'm sorry. Did I come at a bad time?" Mac fiddled with the zipper on her coat.  
  
"No, you didn't come at a bad time. I just wasn't expecting you tonight. What do you need?" He ushered her inside the apartment and closed the door behind her.   
  
When he turned around, she was seated on the couch, her coat abandoned on the cushion beside her. She held her hands in her lap, wringing them every once in awhile. Harm strolled over to her and took a seat beside her. "So, what do I owe this visit?" He gave his signature 'flyboy' smile and was delighted when he saw a smile tug at her mouth.  
  
What would she say to him? Ask him if she made the right decision by accepting Mic's ring? Did she give up on him too easily? "Harm, did I make the right decision in Australia?" It felt a weight had been lifted from her chest when she asked the question.  
  
Harm looked at her with a confused look on his face. What decision was she talking about? The fact that she gave up on a relationship with him so easily or the fact that she accepted Mic's ring so quickly after pouring her heart out to him? "I don't know what you're talking about, Mac." He stood up, now standing in front of her.  
  
"There you go, avoiding the questions again. God damn you, Harmon Rabb!"  
  
"What do you want me to say, Mac? What? That you made a mistake accepting Brumby's ring? That you gave up on us too early? What!?" Harm held his hands up in defeat. He didn't know what she wanted him to say. Whatever he said to her seemed to be the wrong thing. He didn't want to make the same mistake again, like he did on the ferry in Sydney.  
  
Mac still sat on the couch with her arms on her knees. A sigh escaped her lips before responding, "Harm, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came here to talk."  
  
"Mac, what happened to us? What happened to the friendship that we had before? How did it get to be this bad?" Harm sat down on the coffee table, in front of Mac.  
  
She didn't know how to answer that question, simply because if she told him what was on her mind, she would truly hurt him. When she came there tonight, she had no intentions of hurting Harm. But Mac might have to do just that to find out why their friendship suffered this much. "Harm, when you returned to flying, to me, it meant that flying meant more to you than me, your own best friend. I know it was your dream and life, but what was I left with when you were gone? I had no one to tell my problems too and no one to be there for me. I was all alone while you flew your damn tomcats."  
  
Harm listened to the malice in her voice. He knew that he hurt her when he returned to flying, but he never knew how much. He never meant to hurt her that day and he never wanted her to think that flying meant more than she did. Two weeks before he told Mac about his decision, he seriously thought about it, by weighing the pros and cons in the final outcome. He thought that she would be happy for him, that he could still do his dream; fly his tomcats. But that wasn't the reaction that he got from Mac when he told her about his decision. It was the total opposite of what he expected. Her reaction tugged at his heart and all he wanted to do was take back everything he said and tell her that he would stay, to be with her. Yet, those words were never spoken between the two of them and a few weeks later, he left JAG, but most of all, he left Mac. The woman he loved for the past four years. But she didn't know that because he never told her. Harm had a chance to tell her that in Sydney, but he chickened out again and now they were in this situation, wondering why their friendship was strained.  
  
"Sarah," he heard the gasp come from her lips when he used her first name, "I never meant to hurt you when I returned to flying. I thought you'd be happy for me, knowing that I could still have my dream, which was flying tomcats. Remember that day when we said good-bye?" He stopped and saw her nod her head 'yes' and he continued, "You weren't the only one crying. As I held you in my arms, I cried. I cried because I would never see the one person that I called my best friend." He noticed a few small tears trailing down her face. He reached up with a gentle finger and wiped them away.  
  
"But Harm, you hardly ever wrote me and when you did, you talked about the USS PATRICK HENRY and certain people onboard. You never talked about yourself never got personal in the letters. If I wanted to know about the damn water temperatures in the Adriatic Sea, I would've watched the weather channel. The only time you called was when I was in the office, where I could talk for only a short time and it never got personal because of the sneaky ears at the office. Your emails were the same as your letters; no personal feelings." Mac brushed his fingers from her face and turned her heated gaze on Harm, awaiting his answer.  
  
He took a deep breath before tackling her statement, "Mac, I so much wanted to call you at your apartment. There were times when I picked up the phone and dialed the number, but hung up before it rang on the other end. I was afraid of what we might say to each other. When I left, things weren't exactly smooth between us. As for the letters and emails, I have no explanation. God, Sarah, I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain when I left you." He furiously ran his fingers through his short hair, then setting his eyes on Mac.  
  
"Harm, it's not that you caused me pain, it's the fact that you left me for flying. I thought meant more to you than those planes. But after you left, I was wrong." Mac got up from the couch, needing to move around. She couldn't be close to Harm while they were having this conversation. She stood in front of the window and gazed outside at the lights of Washington D.C.  
  
"Mac...Mac, please look at me." Harm pleaded to her, but got no response from her.  
  
"I...I have to go. I don't even why came here tonight. It...it was a mistake. I'm sorry to bother you." Mac retrieved her coat from the couch and practically ran to the door.  
  
Even in the split second, Harm saw the tears in her eyes and on her face. He did that to her. He hated seeing her cry, but most of all, he hated making her cry. He jumped up from the coffee table and ran to her. He pushed the door shut with his strong hand before she could open it the whole way. The coat in her hand fell to the floor when Harm enveloped her in his arms. Mac buried her head in his chest as her arms went around his neck.   
  
"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Sarah. I never meant to hurt you this much when I returned to flying. I never thought our friendship would suffer because of my decision. If I could do everything over again, I would make a different choice. I never should've left you. But most of all, I'm sorry for what I said in Sydney on the ferry. When you poured your heart to me, I wanted to say those same things back, tell you how I felt about you, but I was so afraid. Now that I think about it, I don't even know what I was afraid of, except the fact that I might lose you. I don't want a fling with you, Sarah. I want everything with you, a serious relationship and in Sydney, I wasn't ready for you. I thought you would understand why I said those things, but you took them as a rejection and that pushed you into Brumby's arms. I should've told you my reasons for not letting go yet, so you would've waited for me. God, Sarah, I'm so sorry for hurting us both." Harm whispered in her ear, tears trailing down his face as well.  
  
He blamed himself for what happened in Sydney. He didn't blame me for the pain we caused each other. He blamed himself. Mac thought as Harm's words sounded in her ears. She didn't want him to bear all the blame for what they both did. She was the one who ran into Mic's arms the next night after pouring her heart out to Harm. She was the one who accepted the ring because Mic came along at the wrong time with the right things; a life with someone who loved her and children in the future, when in reality, she only wanted to be with Harm.  
  
"It's not all your fault, Harm. I had some part in this too. I gave up on us too quickly because I thought that you didn't want me at all. It hurt, knowing that you couldn't say the same things to me as I did to you. So, when Mic proposed to me, he was offering all the things that I wanted at the wrong time. As I think about it now, I know I made the wrong decision by accepting his ring. I thought I could learn to love him, but I can't. It would seem fair, leading him on when the only person that I want is you." Mac pulled back in Harm's arms and looked into his blue-green eyes. She reached up and wiped away a few stray tears from his cheeks.  
  
Harm captured her fingers in his hand and brought them to his mouth. He lightly kissed each one before placing it over his heart. "Did you mean what you said?"  
  
"Did I mean what?" Mac was unsure of what he was asking.  
  
"That the only person you wanted was me?" Harm held her closer than before that not even a shadow could fit between them.  
  
"Yes, I meant every word. I love you, Harmon Rabb Jr." Her eyes adverted themselves down to the floor, afraid to meet his gaze.  
  
Harm put a finger under her chin and lifted it, so that her eyes met his. Mac saw the same love reflected in his eyes. "I love you too, Sarah MacKenzie. And to answer your question that you asked when you first arrived; yes, you did make the wrong decision when in Sydney. I want to make up what happened to us both, starting right now." His lips descended to hers and both felt an electric shock at the first touch.  
  
Mac let out a moan as Harm deepened the kiss and she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. Harm's arms tightened their hold on her waist, tugging her closer to him. As close as their clothes allowed. Her fingers drifted up the back of his neck, caressing it lightly and then diving into his hair, running her fingers through the silkiness.  
  
One moment they were standing by the door, kissing each other, the next moment Harm had Mac in his arms, carrying her into his bedroom. He gently laid her in the middle of his bed like she was a rare piece of china. Harm followed her down, lying beside her on his side. He wanted to make sure that this was what she wanted. He didn't want to pressure her into anything that she didn't want to do. "Sarah, are you sure? If you don't want to, I'll understand. We can just lay here and hold each other." Harm whispered loud enough for her to hear.  
  
Her heart swelled with love for him. He was willing to prolong this type of union if she was unsure about it. She reached up her hand and laid it on his cheek in a loving manner. He gave her his signature 'flyboy' smile and Mac knew at that moment, this was where she belonged for the rest of her life. She could never go through with marrying Mic Brumby. It was a mistake to accept his ring a few weeks ago, but all that was fading right now since she was in the arms of the man she loved dearly. "Can you just hold me right now? I need you to hold me."  
  
"I can do just that for you." Harm rolled onto his back and pulled her into his arms. Mac's head rested on his chest and her arms wrapped around his middle. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and they drifted off to sleep, in each other's arms, where they both wanted to be.  
  
0630 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
  
Mac felt a slight chill set on her body and she tried to snuggle closer to Harm, but found that she was alone in bed. By the cold feel of the sheets, he left awhile ago. She slipped out of bed and pulled on her jeans that she discarded the night before and strolled into the kitchen area. There on the island counter was a note from him. She picked it up and read it.  
  
Dear Sarah,  
Went to the deli down the street to get us some breakfast. I didn't know what I had in my apartment and I know how you're always hungry. I'll be back in a few minutes. If you wake up before I'm back, I'm sorry for leaving you. Hope you had a wonderful night's sleep. I sure did, since I held you in my arms. I love you with all my heart.  
Love,  
H   
A smile formed on her face as she finished reading the letter. It still overwhelmed her that Harm loved her as much as she did him. Mac went to the refrigerator and withdrew a bottle of water. When she turned around, Harm was standing in the doorway with a smile on his face that made Mac weak in the knees. He held up a brown paper bag as he strolled over to the island counter and set it down. Harm went around the island and wrapped his arms around Mac's waist, drawing her back against his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head.  
  
"Did you sleep well last night?" He asked while she turned around his arms.  
  
"Very well. I had a wonderful Sailor hold me in his arms all night. What about you?" Mac gave him a sensual smile.  
  
"The same as you. I enjoyed having a Marine lay in my arms." Harm leaned down and gently kissed her lips before stepping back from her and going over to the counter. "I got some bagels for us since you have to go home and get ready for work. Or do you have a packed bag in your car?" He gave her a mischievous grin.  
  
"Yes, I do as a matter of fact. What are you getting at, Sailor?" Mac crossed her arms just below her breasts, trying to intimidate Harm.  
  
"Just thought you would like to shower here, save you time from running across town to your apartment and then into work." Harm looked at Mac, but she didn't buy his excuse for making her stay instead of going back to her apartment to get ready for work.  
  
Mac grinned, "Nice try, Fly-boy, but I'm not biting."  
  
"Well, maybe this will convince you," his lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. A moan sounded in her throat while she wrapped her arms around his neck. Harm picked her up in his arms, their mouths never breaking contact and he carried her into the bathroom.  
  
  
0930 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia  
  
"Enter," Mac shouted when a knock sounded on her office door.  
  
"Good morning, ma'am." Lt.(j.g.) Harriet Roberts said as she stepped into the office and closed the door behind her. She sat in the chair that Mac offered her.  
  
"Morning, Harriet. How's my godson?" Mac stopped reading the file that she had in front of her and focused all her attention on the young Lt.  
  
A smile formed on Harriet's face at the mention of her son. "He's doing great, ma'am. He's growing like a weed. You should come for dinner this week, spend time with little AJ."   
  
"That sounds wonderful, Harriet." Mac placed her hands on the desk and heard a gasp from Harriet. She wondered what made Harriet make that sound.  
  
Harriet reached across the desk and grabbed Mac's right hand. The hand that Mic's ring used to be on. She took it off earlier this morning, before her shower with Harm. Just thinking about the shower made her blush. "Ma'am, you took Cmdr. Brumby's ring off. Whatever happened, it must've been good by the way you're blushing."  
  
"Harriet, do you promise not to tell anyone about this? I don't want it to go around the office just yet." Mac sighed deeply, before giving Harriet a smile that lit up the room.  
  
Harriet's hand went over her mouth when she realized whom the Colonel was talking about. "Oh, ma'am, you and the Commander finally admitted your feelings for each other. That's wonderful!" She got up and went around the desk, giving Mac a tight hug.  
  
"How did you know? Is it that obvious?"  
  
She pulled up a chair beside Mac's desk and sat back down. While holding Mac's hand in hers, Harriet started talking. "Mac, ever since I started working at JAG, I noticed the attraction between you and the Cmdr. The looks you gave each other could melt both of the poles. Whenever the phrase 'just friends' was said, many people in the bullpen tried not to laugh at the statement. Even Mic Brumby asked me if there was a history between you two. He didn't believe that you just friends with the Cmdr. After the trip to Sydney, I sensed something was wrong between you two, because the teasing and looks vanished just like that. Then I noticed the ring on your right hand and I knew that Mic proposed to you.   
  
"I knew in my heart that you would never marry Cmdr. Brumby because you didn't love him. You probably accepted his ring because Harm didn't express his feelings for you. Mac, a few weeks after the Sydney trip, after our conversation, Harm stopped me outside your office and asked if you were really going to marry him. I told him that I didn't know. Right then, I knew how much he cared about you. He was kicking himself for what happened in Sydney. I knew. But all that is behind you two now. You admitted your feelings for each other. I'm happy for you, Mac."  
  
"Thank you, Harriet. If I may so, you're very observant in your duties during the day. How about we have dinner tonight. I'll tell Harm about it. Sound all right with you?" Mac stood up from the chair.  
  
"Sounds wonderful, ma'am. Oh, your secret is safe with me. I'll keep it from Bud until tonight. I know how loose his lips are when he's in the office." That brought a laugh from both of the women.  
  
Before Mac opened her office door, she turned to Harriet, "You're a good friend. Thank you for listening." She gave her a genuine smile.  
  
"I'm here whenever you need to talk, whether is about the Commander or about work. I best get back to work, before the Admiral has my head. See you tonight for dinner." With that last statement, Harriet strolled back out into the bullpen.  
  
1230 EST  
JAG Headquarters  
  
"Hey, Marine, you hungry for lunch?" Harm asked while he leaned against the doorway of her office.  
  
"Very much so. Where were you? I was looking for you half-an-hour ago for lunch." Mac closed the file on her desk, stood up and grabbed her coat and cover.  
  
"I was in court." Harm told her while they strolled through the bullpen to the elevators.  
  
"That's right, the Henderson court martial. I forgot about that. My mind has been on other things today. I'm surprised I'm getting through those files on my desk with the way it's wandering all over the place." Mac said as they stepped into the elevator.  
  
Harm didn't respond until the doors closed. Since they were the only two people in it, he leaned down and whispered into her ear, "Any particular place that it's been wandering to?" His breath tickled her ear and she giggled at little bit.  
  
"I'm pleading the fifth. I'm not going to stroke that Naval Aviator ego of yours." She gave him a sultry smile.  
  
"I'll get it out of you, Marine. If not over lunch, then tonight."  
  
"Is that a threat, Commander?" A mischievous smile formed on her face  
  
"Take it as a promise, Colonel." Harm stated as they walked out of the Headquarters to his car.  
  
1930 EST  
Roberts Residence  
Rosslyn, Virginia  
  
"Dinner was great, Harriet. Thank you for inviting us." Harm said as he helped clear away the dinner dishes, while Mac and Bud took the dessert and coffee into the living room.  
  
"You're welcome, Sir."  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, when we're out of the office, you can call me 'Harm'?" He said with a smile on his face. That put Harriet at ease.  
  
"Sorry, Harm." She sheepishly.  
  
"It's all right, Harriet. Come on, let's go into the living room and have some dessert." He led her into the living room, where Bud and Mac.   
  
Mac sat on the couch, holding little AJ in her lap. They both were engross in each other and Mac had a beautiful smile on her face. Harm couldn't help but imagine her with their children. Whenever he thought about a life with someone, Mac always appeared in the dream. Harm didn't want a future with anyone else. She sensed his eyes on her and looked up. The look that passed between could've lit up the room if the lights weren't on.   
  
Harriet caught the look between the two of them and she secretly smiled to herself. So many days she dreamed of this moment, when Harm and Mac would get their act together, and admit their feelings to each other. She was delighted that they did before Mac made a terrible mistake with Mic Brumby.  
  
"Mac, you're so good with him. You'll be a great mother someday." Harriet exclaimed while she sat down beside her on the couch.  
  
"That won't be happening soon, Harriet." Her and Harm stole a secret glance, telling each other that it would happen sooner than they expected.  
  
"Oh, Mac, you're a beautiful woman and I'm sure there are men lining up by the hundreds just to be with you." She saw the higher rank officer blush a little  
  
"Yeah, Mac. How will you choose the right one out of all those men?" Harm gave her a mischievous smile and Mac knew he was teasing her.  
  
A smile formed on her face. "Oh, I have my ways, Fly-boy. Just you see."  
  
2000 EST  
Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
  
He stood in the kitchen and watched her curl up on the couch with a good book. He somehow convinced her to stay the night again. They stopped at her apartment after leaving the Roberts' to let Mac pack an overnight bag and grab an extra uniform. Harm really wanted her to pack a long-term bag, but he wouldn't pressure her. He wanted this relationship as much as she did and he would not mess it up simply because he waited too long for her. He could wait a little while longer if that were to be the case.  
  
Harm got an idea and strolled into his bedroom. He came back with his guitar in his hand. He pulled up a barstool into the living room. He did it so quietly that Mac hadn't looked up from her book. Harm sat down on the stool, positioned the guitar and started playing the song that had been on his mind since the night he and Mac admitted their feelings for each other.  
  
"Chances are you'll find me  
Somewhere on your road tonight  
Seems I always end up driving by  
Ever since I've known you  
It just seems you're on my way  
  
"All the rules of logic don't apply  
I long too see you in the night  
Be with you 'til morning light  
  
"I remember clearly how you looked  
The night we met  
I recall you laughter and your smile  
I remember how you made me  
Feel so at ease  
I remember all your grace and style  
  
"And now you're all I long to see  
You've come to mean so much to me  
  
"Chances are I'll see you  
In my dreams tonight  
You'll be smiling like the night we met  
Chances are I'll hold you and offer  
All I have  
  
"You're the only one I can't forget  
Baby, you're the best I've ever met  
  
"And I'll be dreaming of the future  
And hoping you'll be by my side  
And in the morning, I'll long for the night  
  
"Chances are I'll see you  
Somewhere in my dreams tonight  
You'll be smiling like the night we met  
Chances are I'll hold you and offer  
All I have  
  
"You're the only one I can't forget  
Baby, you're the best I've ever met."  
  
Harm held the last note for as long as he could, before laying the guitar on the table. He got up from the stool and strolled over to Mac, where she sat on the couch. Tears stained her cheeks from the song. He drew her into his arms, holding her tight against his chest.  
  
"I love you, Sarah. Ever word that I sang is true about how I feel about you." Harm whispered in her ear and her held shot up from his chest.  
  
"Harm, that's the song that made me realize how much I felt for you. How did you know about that?" Mac pulled back a little bit, so she could look into Harm's eyes.  
  
"Because I heard the same song that night, Sarah. I so much wanted to drive over to your place and tell you how I felt, but I thought that you would turn me down since you accepted Mic's ring. I didn't want to intrude on your happiness. But when you showed up on my doorstep, my hopes lifted, because you had to be here for some reason." Harm ran his hand on her cheek and cupped it. She leaned into his touch.  
  
Mac caressed his face with her hands, loving that fact that she was now allowed to touch him in this way. "Harm, I love you so much, but right now I rather not talk. I just want to feel. Make love to me," she whispered and much to her surprise, Harm swept her up in his arms.  
  
"My pleasure, Sarah." Harm said low in his throat as he carried her into the bedroom.  
  
  
  
The End (for now that is).   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
